2:34 A.M.

26.09.15

After a long day I settled down on my bed, comfortable under the covers with the a.c. at the perfect temperature and slow music playing in the background. I spoke to my girls, watched some music videos, read a few chapters of a book I had read years back, and then I decided to call it a day. I shut my book, turned off the music, switched off the lights, washed my face with cold water, and lay down, to sleep. That's when it came like a monster, who was ready to pounce on me as soon as I was in the perfect state of mind. It hit me so hard, I was still but my head was racing miles away. My breaths were steady, but my mind was impatient and distant. I felt like there was this wall, between who I was and who I was meant to be. This fine line between what I showed to the world, and what I am. I believed that I was an illusion made by everyone and everything around me. I had a habit of always agreeing upon what was supposed to be instead of wondering why it was supposed to be like that, and that was the reason I was there lying numb. Next came, the mighty fear. Fear of failure, fear of lost battles with myself, and mostly the fear of being alone. Fear was a witty one. he brought with him tears. These tears blocked my vision and I couldn't stand still. I sat on the floor, with my pounding head in my hands. The only noise I could hear was me, sobbing which made me realize how weak I was, and how fear had the means to break me down, completely. Fear paved the way for the blame game. My mind blamed my heart, while my heart blamed it on the limbs and my eyes blamed the tears. My body blamed my soul. I didn't know what was happening. 

I still don't know what is happening.